slr2moons: a self-portrait, of me in my usual habitat: in front of my computer monitors! (Default)
One of the things I do when I'm busy with work is sort of watch but mostly listen to a favorite film, and if I have it on DVD, I turn around and watch/listen again with the commentary. I just finished doing that with one of my all-time favorites, Donnie Darko director's cut.

Disillusionment follows... )

There's something to be said for not seeking out the Word of God on your favorite pieces of fiction. Sometimes the window treatment is just the right shade of green, and not casting the shade of greed upon the characters as they talk in a key scene of a film. :|

Okay. Introspection over, back to work for me.
slr2moons: a self-portrait, of me in my usual habitat: in front of my computer monitors! (Default)
This morning, I was continuing my wake-up webcomic reading on a title I was enjoying. When I first read it a couple years ago, it had its own domain, but has since moved to a multiple-comic hosting site, mangamagazine.net.

I was chugging along, enjoying the thought of all the new pages that had been created since I last read, when I was forced to screech to a halt. Why? Because I received this message:

The page you are trying to access is premium content. Please register or sign in to be updated when this page will be free. If you have an activce subscription please sign in to read this page. [sic]


I have to pay to read more. I HAVE to PAY MONEY to read more. )
slr2moons: a self-portrait, of me in my usual habitat: in front of my computer monitors! (Default)
Half of my flist has looked back on their year, and I figured I might as well jump on the bandwagon.

2012 wasn't as good as I'd hoped it to be. )

I guess that's it for this year. My troubles have been mostly emotional, related to work and distant friends. I'm not sick, not homeless, still have a car that's paid for and almost always works *knocks on wood*, have wonderful friends online and IRL, two healthy cats who believe I hang the moon for their convenience, still have my beloved job with my favorite bosses, and a new series to letter on the way!

When it comes to 2013, I definitely have things I want to accomplish. I want to get the rest of my books off the floor, find some furniture, and have company over more often. I want to finish my original manga, for success with that--even just silently posting pages and watching the hit counts as people read them--would be a big boon to my confidence. I want to keep lettering Skip, Clay, Natsume, and the upcoming New Title 10 with as much love and passion as I've had for my job and manga in the past. I want to get back down to 145 pounds and resume wearing my entire wardrobe. I want to post my three WIP fanfics and write other fic bunnies, for it is my hobby and makes me happy. I want to read less fanfic written by others, and draw more art and comics. I want to protect the friendships I have, and make them even stronger.

I want 2013 to be better than 2012!
slr2moons: a self-portrait, of me in my usual habitat: in front of my computer monitors! (Loveless Soubi)
Script for Saiun 4 arrived last Monday, a week ago. The deadline is in a month, which means 8 pages a day. Wheee! I'm perfectly on schedule so far! *knocks on wood*

Thankfully I finished Skip 25 on Saturday, which reduced my daily page quota from 20 (8 Saiun plus 4 each for Clay, Natsume, and Skip) to 16, which is definitely more manageable. I'm hoping I can start running again, as I haven't had the time to leave my apartment for more than snail mail checks and one grocery trip for the past week. It hasn't been too long since my last run, though. I shouldn't have lost too much of my stamina. --;

Things I watched and a manga review that makes me face a formerly unknown side of myself. Oh my! ).

Back to work for me. 14 more pages today to go!

Hmmm...

3/4/10 12:35
slr2moons: a self-portrait, of me in my usual habitat: in front of my computer monitors! (Elegance with a sword)
I've noticed I don't post as much as I used to. There was once I time when I posted almost every day, or at least three or four times a week. Now, I'm doing good to manage once a week. I can't blame it on a bout of Work Hell keeping me too busy, either.

No, haven't shifted my blogging to any new sites. Not even Tumblr, which seems to be where a lot of artists have fled these days. For some reason, I just haven't been as chatty as I once was. Maybe because I'm happier, so I have less need to vent my frustration or practice escapism here. *scratches head in puzzlement* Okay then...

So. Since things have been rather quiet lately, I ask all of you: what would all of you LIKE me to write about? What are you interested in reading? Anything in particular? More about my work? Reviews of books both prose and manga? Day-to-day observations? (I did have an amusing sequence of thoughts happen to me the last time I was in my fave book store...) Fiction in some form, be it prose or drawn? Art? Wangst about life? Memes, even? Or do you even want me to post more? Let me know your thoughts. I'm curious, since I"ve lost the 2nd follower gained through my fandom_secrets outing last year.

As for me, today I must clean. My parents are flying in to visit me tomorrow until Wednesday. And while they know housekeeping is very VERY low on my list of priorities, I must at least make an attempt. I plan on hiding some pointless-to-unpack-but-can't-throw-away boxes inside my clothes hamper cabinet, which is ridiculously too huge anyway.

If any of you are wondering what could possibly fit that description, I submit my box of animation drawings from college, both of assignments and for my own pursuits. Pointless to unpack, but I can't bring myself to throw them away. Or recycle, rather, since they ARE paper. :P~~~~~ A curse on my sentimental pack-rat nature!
slr2moons: a self-portrait, of me in my usual habitat: in front of my computer monitors! (gag)
Tropes Things I will never include in my original stories:

1. The secret father of my main character being the villain. Impossible to top Star Wars, and these days it's so overdone anyway.

2. Human/Vampire romance. McKinley's Sunshine is the ultimate--and she didn't even write romance, they were just friends! Any attempt on my part would feel like an insult to her.

3. Having a character find faith again in life or humanity or dreams or hope or whatever...due to a baby's birth. Vastly overused, and besides...given my opinion on children in general, me writing this would be so FAKE.

4. Love at first sight. Lust, yes. Love? No. (I am a romantic, but not in regards to this.)

5. Two characters admitting their love and coming together--only to kill one off. Usually with a terminal disease. Don't even get me started on A Walk to Remember.

6. One bout of sex resulting in pregnancy, especially if one of the parents dies at the earliest possible moment.

7. Someone named "Valentine". I can think of four different characters named this without even trying. And WTH why are they always evil?

8. A character being the last of their family/race/people/species/whatever. :P

9. Superheroes, with two exceptions: Batman (he's interesting) and magical girls.

10. Villains who are evil for evil's sake, and heroes who are good for good's sake. *zzz zzzz zzzz*

12. The clumsy, endearing, ever-energetic heroine who you can't help but love because she just tries so hard. The cool, suave, distant hero with an inner fragility who you can't help but love because he's just so captivating. Why yes, I HAVE read a great deal of manga. HowEVER did you guess??

13. Ugly man/pretty woman. GRRRR! I am going to write the reverse of this, just watch me!

14. Endings where everyone pairs off and gets married. Children are (barely) optional. *cough HP epilogue cough* At least Luna and Neville broke the pattern.

15. Romantic love between adult authority figure and a child, such as teacher/student. This is my one squick. I never thought I had one, but I do. *is disappointed that she can no longer claim to be unsquickable*

ETA: 16. Amnesia as a plot device, particularly when caused by a bump to the head. I can't believe one of my favorite goodfic authors just did this. O.o

ETA2: 17. A happy ending featuring a party or celebration. I've just seen it too many times. It feels fake. :|

ETA3: 18. Exposition about my setting's history and politics and the wars that shaped it, all delivered within sight of the first page. I mean, the readers barely know my main characters, they don't care yet about the setting's ancient history. Throwing a bunch of namesof past empires, their rulers, the generals who made it happen, and the outcomes of those great battles just makes readers' eyes glaze over. I will always wait a few chapters or say, 10,000 words, before I start the history lessons.  And I'll try to deliver them in small doses, to give the readers time to assimilate them and understand why this ancient history is important to the current plot.

There you go. I might add a couple things, but this covers the most obvious tropes I will avoid. Any thoughts??
slr2moons: a self-portrait, of me in my usual habitat: in front of my computer monitors! (trigger)
I have the strong suspicion that at least one of you has gravely misunderstood me and my state of being. So let me look you all in the eye and say two things for the record:

1. I love my job. Full stop. Yes, sometimes I whine about it, but everyone occasionally whines about the things they love. It's stress relief. I may loathe Work Hell but I don't regret it, it's just how the schedule sometimes ends up. I can tolerate a month of it every so often if it keeps me doing what I love. Which it does. Let me say it again: I love my job.

2. I am very happy with the way my life is going. I have a job I love, I'm working on my original artwork again, I found a place to live that agrees with me, I have my cat, my health, extra cash for books and fun, and I'm even managing to lose weight again. Thanks to LJ I'm finding fellow comic-making friends. In three years I hope to be a real published mangaka. I have plans, and they are in motion. Let me say it again: I am very happy with the way my life is going.

Now. Any questions?
slr2moons: a self-portrait, of me in my usual habitat: in front of my computer monitors! (Elegance with a sword)
An amusing self-observation, allowing me a nice introspective break from work. )
BTW, that word in the subject line is indeed intentional. Heeeeee.

Hmmm....

5/4/08 20:21
slr2moons: a self-portrait, of me in my usual habitat: in front of my computer monitors! (hopeful)
Looks like Clay Editor 2 is going to be a guest at the "local" con in Dallas again this summer. He went last summer, too, when I chose not to lose three days of precious work time and didn't go myself. I seriously doubt I'll go this year, either. Cons simply aren't much fun for me, now that anime is so mainstream and the dealer's room has so much generic fantasy, gaming, and non-anime pop culture mall-shop clutter.

slr2moons: a self-portrait, of me in my usual habitat: in front of my computer monitors! (normal)
I've had a great deal on my mind lately, as I'm sure most of you have figured out by now. (And for the record, the occasional bought of insane laughter is good for the soul. Very cleansing.)

Tonight I made a new icon and changed the title and subtitle of my journal to "Artistic Narratives ~so many stories~" The previous set, "Smattering Nonsense ~a seemingly vicarious life~, no longer matches me. You see, thanks to many introspective thought sessions, a discussion with a very successful distant relation, and a bit of venting to my ever-patient and wonderful friend stariceling, I have come to realize something important.

slr2moons: a self-portrait, of me in my usual habitat: in front of my computer monitors! (Default)

Mina-san, I'm conflicted. :|

Thanks to a friend, I have the chance to download an almost infinte number of manga scanlations, including one long series by a mangaka that I love. Now, this series in particular is not licensed as far as I know. So it should be fair game for reading for free. I mean, scanlations aren't all that different from borrowing a book from a library..only you get to keep the book, in this case.

But I can't do it. Especially for something like Naruto. The licensed release is so far behind the anime and the Japanese release it's kind of laughable. But I love Naruto too much to just go out and read it for free online. It seems disrespectful. Not to mention that feels like I'm betraying and stealing from myself. I remember when a friend of a friend told me that he tried the Claymore manga after hearing that I worked on it. I was quite delighted when he said he liked it--until he told me that he read the scanlations. What?!?! I took it as a slap in the face! He might as well have told me, "I don't give a crap about your version. Not even to sit for an hour in a bookstore and read it for free." Grrrrrrrr. And for the record, I chewed him out about it, too. X(


I know that five of you on my flist have Japanese skills pretty much equal to my own. How do you guys balance reading the original vs someone else's English translation?? I know you all don't exactly face the whole I'm-stealing-manga aspect on scanlations like I do unless it's out of loyalty to me ha ha but still. What have you done to handle this??? If anything? Hanashite kudasai!

As for me...I should stop whining and start studying. *a very tired and resigned headdesk* Maybe I should start a kanji-a-day LJ com to keep myself motivated...

slr2moons: a self-portrait, of me in my usual habitat: in front of my computer monitors! (Bwa?)
Most of you have probably noticed the Grand Reunion of Old Friends going on in the previous post. That started me thinking, and I realized something huuuuuuuuuuuge.

The friends I made before my trip, even before my job...the ones I made before I "found" myself, before I lost all that weight and became so much more centered and confident....only two of them still talk to me. One has been a friend since I was in the 6th grade, and she changed just like this long before I did. We stuck it out, and now we match rather well. The other became a friend a year or two before the new job, and was with me through the transition, and has changed much the same way herself. (L-chan and Kiokonai, for the record. *waves to Kiokonai*)

The rest, the ones who knew the quiet don't-look-at-me-OMG-I'm-so-scared-of-everything s2m?? They don't seem to care for the new me. I've counted, and the grand total is 5. FIVE! Holy crap! What a revelation!! What is it about the new me that drove them away?? All of you here are friends I've made after this change, so obviously I'm still a good person and haven't become a complete bitch or anything.

...And I just realized something else. The two that are still here, that I'm even closer with now??? They changed too.

*speechless and very wide-eyed*
slr2moons: a self-portrait, of me in my usual habitat: in front of my computer monitors! (chibi s2m)


In a rather amusing paradox, whenever I'm gripped by a powerful story, my very passion for it makes me sad. Oh, I'm overjoyed that I can experience the story in all its magnificence...be it prose, movie, manga, anime, or art...but it makes me sad that I'm not creating something every bit as powerful. I don't want fame or fortune. Sure, they would be great, but what I really want is for my creations to invoke this same passion in my audience. Thus, my sadness, because I'm not doing it. And to think Kishimoto-san, the mangaka of Naruto, was well into the story by the time he was my age. Damn.


The big question is...WOULD I rather trade being able to write out and storyboard the actual plot and design the characters and general look of an entire epic saga OVER animating each little frame of a 5 minute project by myself??????

Answer: yes. 

Ttaku mo. ><

/end introspection

slr2moons: a self-portrait, of me in my usual habitat: in front of my computer monitors! (chibi s2m)
I find it rather amusing how emotional I can be, and how easily good fiction can affect my mood. Today, for example, I've been on an emotional rollercoaster thanks to a magnificent Draco/Harry friendship-->shounenai fic I heard about in ye olde fanficrants. It's fabulous, and I keep bouncing from elation to tears to joy to horror and back to elation. This is silly...and I'm only half-way through the fic!! (It's 25 chapters long.)
Fanfic news! I posted chapter 2 to Lunaescence two nights ago.
I must confess. I was bad and went to dinner with my parents Sat night. We had Chinese buffet. It was sooooo yummy....>< And it was soooo nice to escape the house. ><

And of course, the manga report. Pages completed since my last bit of blogging...Clay 9.57-59, 62, 68, 69, 74, 78. Nana 12.195 and 198. Only one page of Nana vol 12 left!! New 1.60, 65, 69, 71. Skip 9.49, 50, 61-63. Temp fanbook.229, 231, 232. Yellow: 10, Orange: 11, Pink/PfH: 2. Total: 23 pages over 2.25 days. It would probably be around 27 total if I hadn't gone to dinner. Now I have guilt. >< Especially since I will likely have more English pages Monday. Oog. But at least today I made my quota. Yay! ^^
slr2moons: a self-portrait, of me in my usual habitat: in front of my computer monitors! (Default)

Ahhh...nothing says stress relief like a trashy romance novel. Yes! Complete with the tacky title ("Tender Rebel"), the embarrassingly luscious oil painting cover where the woman's breasts are almost falling out of her dress and the man's shirt is gaping, and those contrived plot devices like having to get married to stave off the evil money-grubbing distant relations! Yes!!! Ahhhh, but it's still so much fun to read precisely because it IS cheesy and over-the-top and brainless entertainment. ^^ Besides, I wanted something light to perk me up in the face of Clay.  Clare, stop playing with the Awakened Beings and go find Raki!! (highlight the blank space if you don't care about Clay v6+ spoilers)

What's fun about this particular trashy romance novel is that it was part of a Christmas gift of books from my 'nee-chan. When I saw it in the box, amid the fantasy novels I had also asked for, I gave my sister an evil grin and asked her just how embarrassed she was to have ventured into the romance section to find it, AND to be witnessed paying for it at the counter. She blushed and replied "VERY embarrassed!" Mwa hahahaha!! *is most definitely evil* I'm impressed she had the guts to do it!! Even *I* am self-conscious when I wander into the romance section, but for my sister to brave it borders on miraculous. Yay, oneechan!! You're finally lightening up and not being quite such a prude!!!!! Maybe one day, I'll even convince her to read one. *evil anime villainess laugh, complete with posed hand at mouth* Actually, as romance novels go, this one isn't half-bad. I'll probably keep it. ^^

I've been fighting the urge to write on my fanfic for the past 4 hours. Unlike reading or watching fansubs, I can't write in short 30 second to 2 minute bursts while saving/printing/processing commands. I have to focus everything on what I'm writing. But I shouldn't spare the time that would be needed for the fanfic. !!! Oh my. A few days ago I changed the name of my fanfic to "Distracting and a Great Bother". How incredibly appropriate. *more insane laughter*

I reeeeeeeally want to write on it.....why don't I ever feel this way about animation? Probably b/c writing is almost always easy for me, and animation is almost always not. I realized a few months ago that's why I'm an artist and not a writer. Writing takes so little effort from me, but animating is a completely different story. I have WORK to be a good artist/animator, thus it's a challenge, thus I stubbornly want to succeed. Isn't that twisted?? Yet here I am, longing to write instead of being a good girl and working on Clay until it's time for sleep. Or even longing to work on my sad, neglected animation skills. Omoshiroi. Perhaps I'll make a deal with myself. If I'm still awake and coherent by 4, then I can switch to the fanfic. I wonder if I'll make it...I'd like to have a chunk of chapter 3 at least outlined before I post chapter 2. That way if I need to tweak parts of chapt 2 b/c of events in chapt 3, I don't have to go through the "replace chapter" process at ff.net, which is rather tedious. I want to use Gaara's shoes later in the storyline, after the current plot ends. You know, in a sequel. But I'm not sure if throwing them into chapt 3 alone is enough...*searches for word*...mentioning...for it to work. I might need to bring the shoes up in chapt 2 first. And yes, his shoes will be a point in a sequel. It'll work, and I'm quite sure it will be fabulous. ^^V (Oooooh, such hubris!!!)

The hard part on my forthcoming chapter 3 and subsequent chapters (however many I end up with) is that so much of the ending is already written, back when I first was outlining the entire story. I was outlining along when suddenly the scene became visualized in my head and I leaped into prose. Then JAN! The ending was written. Only now that so much comedy has appeared in chapters one and two, I'll need to do some massive tweaking to make the ending match. *drums fingers* Not to mention that in the original, Minami wasn't frightened by Gaara until he was actually in her house and out of the shower ZOMG! The shower! And since she wasn't afraid of him, she didn't feel attracted to him until then, either. (BTW, I've surprised myself at how much I've written in the woman's lust for him. When I was outlining events many moons ago, I was embarrassed simply summarizing the lust and never imagined I've have the nerve to really write it out. Heh. Now who's the prude??!) Who knows if I'll ever write/draw/animate a real sex scene. Not that this fic will become shota, since that makes me squirm a bit! I deal with the age difference (at least 10 years, though I'm deliberately not stating her age for the same reason I'm not describing her appearance) in Minami's head in chapter 2. It's actually another unexpected humorous moment. *giggles* I'm silly...

And I'm typing this instead of working on Clay. Bad slr2moons!! *checks clock* Oooh...only 15 minutes until 4....Mwa hahaha!!

yep

6/1/07 22:33
slr2moons: a self-portrait, of me in my usual habitat: in front of my computer monitors! (Default)

I heard from Clay Editor. Apparently he's been away on a trip, so he's been away from his workstation for quite some time, and thus the script for Clay v9 is still not complete. So...yeah. I do believe v9 is shaping up to be like v8, when I received the script on the very the day the entire book was due. Heh. --;; I can only imagine what is going on in Clay Editor's life to delay things on this end so very much. Ouch.

For some reason, Tickle.com let me have free access to my complete Rorschach Inkblot test results. Here's the summary: "Your subconscious mind is driven most by Love. Your instinct to love and be loved is rooted very deeply in your subconscious and affects most of the decisions you make in life — whether you are aware of it or not. You inspire people to experience their true feelings of love and act kindly towards others. You also value your personal relationships more than most people. -->Your unique capacity to love may be greater than those around you, which means you may have more to give in relationships than your friends or romantic partners do.<-- Your psyche is very rich; the more you learn about it, the more you will understand who you really are."

Interestingly, this confirms up what I had already figured out about myself, which I marked with the -->arrows<--. The people I respect and admire most usually have the least amount of time for me. And when I am lucky enough to talk with them, I'm always wondering if I'm being a bother and imposing upon them, and get frantic thinking maybe I should let them have their space instead of calling or suggesting we go out and do something. I've noticed this often enough that it's made me wonder if being half-way ignored/forgotten is actually a requirement for me to admire someone. X_x Is this the after-effects of my hellish life outside of home? It's like I'm an emotional masochist: "I can only love you if you ignore me, because the only people good enough for my affections are themselves too good to have them for me!!" All right all right, I'm exaggerating. But I have noticed this strange tendency in me, and I have seriously wondered about it. Yet another obstacle in life for me to (hopefully...one day...) overcome.

With Clay 9 and the English approaching, it's time to prepare for intense mode. I've stopped working on Skip consecutively and am now doing Pink (page from hell = 3+ hours to complete) and Orange (moderate page = 1-3 hours) pages only. This means I'm jumping from place to place in the story. But it's best to get the hard pages out of the way now, before Clay and The English hit and suck out my energy. Bleague. Unfortunately I can't concentrate on Orange and Pink pages with Nana since I don't have the Japanese tanko for easy reference. One of these days I'll import them all. Wheee! There goes $150...

I'm being a weenie. Last night, one of my long-time email friends forced me to answer a question he asked me back in April. Obviously I did not want to answer it then, and I still didn't yesterday. But I knew he would never let it rest, so I finally laid everything out for him. Last spring he responded to one of those email survey things I sent him, and some of his answers were extremely suggestive and sex-issues-heavy. As long as I've known him he has never hidden his (to be blunt) "hard-ons" and his love for overly sexy women. After I read his survey answers last April, I replied that some of them scared me and that I'd never let myself be left alone in a room with him. He responded and demanded to know the reasons why, so he could defend himself. THAT was the question I didn't answer until last night b/c I hate lying and knew he wouldn't react well to the truth. 9 months later and he still demands to know. (Wha?) So I told him. His reply is sitting in my inbox. I keep eyeing it with much trepidation.

I'm already getting burned out on my Ranma tv season 3 box. I'm in the middle of the 3rd DVD. I'll probably finish it and switch to something else for a while. I hear my Donnie Darko and Citizen Kane Special Editions calling me....

I outed myself in regards to my job last night to a new friend. While I was at it, I officially outed myself on my fave anime mailing list as well. Thankfully, I have not yet been accused of "working for the enemy" like one person told me last year before I learned to keep my mouth shut. So yay for this time. ^^ In the end, no one really cares about the English artist anyway. Except those who apparently consider that being a professional means being a traitor to my fan roots. *rolls eyes*

I'm in love with my Pirates movie2 soundtrack CD. Words can't describe how magnificent it is. I'm getting chills thinking about it. Hans Zimmer is a GOD.  XD

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