slr2moons | Good morning! Feed me! And there's something you should know...

Yesterday morning, I was nudged awake by my cat. I am not a morning person--at all--and Spicer-kitty almost always wakes me up anywhere from 5:30 to 7 so I can give him breakfast. After which, I flop back in bed for a few more hours. (Ahhh, the joys of being self-employed!) Normally for his wake-up-calls, Spicer-kitty will touch my face with his paw, so very delicately. Or my arm, if it's out from the covers. Sometimes he'll gently grip my scalp with his claws. He does so in silence, maybe with an encouraging trilling meow when I first lurch upright to crawl into the kitchen.

Yesterday, however, Spicer-kitty awoke me with the sweetest of purrs. I was laying on my side, and I opened my eyes to see him sitting in the bend of my neck and shoulder, purring like he was in heaven, eyes huge. He gently patted my chest. I smiled, thought how sweet it was for him to purr for me, and drifted back off. He awoke me again with his touch, this time on my breast.

Through my sleep-fogged brain, I realized he was acting differently. Normally he only touches bare skin, as he's figured out touching the sheets or my nightclothes isn't as effective for wake-up-and-feed-me-now purposes. He was still purring, so I scratched him behind the ears and thought, D'awwwww...Spicer-kitty's suddenly a boob man, and began to drift off.

Spicer-kitty immediately groped my chest again.

My sleepy brain began to meander, something like this:

Why would Spicer-kitty suddenly be obsessed with my boobs...? Why is he purring..?. There he goes again, batting at my chest...batting. And purring. With huge eyes. He does this when he's...

Stalking something.

My first thought was instinctive: scorpionohshit. I HAVE been rudely awakened by a scorpion sting in my bed, but that was back in Texas. If Oregon has scorpions, I have yet to see one outdoors, let alone in my apartment. I dismissed that possibility as extremely unlikely.

My second thought was more rational: spider.

No, I did not immediately shriek and leap out of bed, throwing covers and doing the OMYGODGETITOFFMEEEEE!!!! dance. I am not afraid of spiders, and I even think the fuzzy hunting ones like tarantulas are kind of cute. I'd never keep one as a pet, but I still think they're cute. Being fuzzy and all. The leggy web-spinners are rather creepy to me, but again, I'm not afraid. I do tend to freak out if I walk face-first into a huge web--in which case then I do the OMYGODGETITOFFMEEEEE! dance--but everyone has a breaking point. *waves hand dismissively*

For the record, I have a policy. If it's in my home and has more than four legs. it's dead. Maaaaybe if I"m feeling charitable I'll capture it and toss it outside. But first reaction--KILL IT. Being single, I do my own exterminating. All in a day's life, right? I'm rather handy with a fly swatter, and can wield my weapon hard enough to kill a scorpion AND pop off its stinger--on carpet--in one blow. Wha-POW!!! Heeeee.

To return to our story, I now had to deal with my apparently spelunking 8-legged guest. I tossed back the covers, sat up, and looked for the beastie. I didn't see it. Spicer-kitty, however, was delightfuly scanning the area for his elusive prey. I stood up. It was a bit cold that morning, so I had three layers of blankets. I shook them out one by one, and the spider was revealed. It was a nickel-sized brown thing. Meh.

Of course, Spicer-kitty immediately began chasing it, and I groggily looked around for something I could use to grab it and consign it to the plumbing deep. By the time my hazy self located an old kleenex, the spider had vanished. Typical. I shook out all three layers of blankets again. Nope.

I always reward my pets when they corner beasties for me--Braveheart and Spicer-kitty both saved me from a huge 3 inch scorpion once--so I tottered off to the kitchen to give Spicer his breakfast plus a little extra. I came back, shook out the blankets one more time, kicked the futon for good measure, then crawled back in to sleep. I wasn't worried. It was a small spider, and besides, I knew my furry knight would protect me. Or at least chase it into a dark corner again. Heh.