Let sleeping letterers lie...

[slr2moons]

Thanks to my mother's love of houseplants, I've lived with fruit flies for a very long time. As house pests go, they are rather benign. They're not blood-sucking fiends like fleas or ticks, they're not generally gross like cockroaches, they aren't deadly like brown recluse spiders. But unfortunately for the fruit flies, they are annoying. Especially when they try to spelunk up my nose or practice their skating routines over my computer screens.

I've become very adept at squishing fruit flies with my fingertips. Sometimes it takes three or four tries for me to nail them, but I prevail eventually. I'm so used to squishing the little buggers that I don't even get up to wash my hands after I've conquered one. I just look at the finger to make sure the carcass is there and I didn't miss, then scrub my finger on the fabric underneath the seat of my computer chair. It's gross, I know, but if I washed my hands every time I took a fruit fly out, my skin would shrivel up and die from soap exposure.

Now, it's been relatively fruit fly free for the past couple of weeks, which I rather enjoyed. But it cannot last. Today I was happily lettering away when a smallish fruit fly begins its routine on Tsukushi's monitor. Jab jabjab squish. A few minutes later, a big fat one comes and flits on Utena. Jab squish. About five minutes after that, another small one and a medium one practice their pairs routine on both monitors. Jab jab jabbity jab squish jab squish. A few more minutes pass, and fifth one buzzes my nose, then proceeds to try for the gold on Utena. Jab jab squiiiiiiiish.

By this time, I am extremely irritated. Five fruit flies in a day, sure. Happens all the time. Five fruit flies in the space of ten minutes??? No. The little bastards are breeding, and they have annoyed me, and now they have to die. Then I recall that yesterday, my parents gave the potted tree that resides in our dining room its monthly watering. This involves bringing in a huge plastic bucket, setting the potted tree inside, watering the tree so the water drains out of the planter until the bigger bucket is filled, leave the tree floating in its planter inside the big bucket for about 10 hours, then drain the thing with a rubber hose and put everything back where it belongs. (Don't ask me...but the tree seems to like it.)

Aha!!! I have found the nest!!! So in magnificent Ripley style, I stormed into the kitchen, grabbed my flamethrower can of Flying Inscect Killer, stalked to the tree, and let 'er rip. KKKKSSSSSHHHH KSSSHHH ksssssh KSSHHHH!!!!! Spray the soil, spray the roots, spray the drainage tray, spray the soil some more, drainage tray again, soil, tray, soil. "Get away from me, you bitches!!!"

When I'm on the warpath, I don't do things half-way--particularly against insects--so I stalked through the entire house and KKSSHHH kssshhh KSSSHHed every single potted plant. I then had to open the windows so me, Braveheart, and Spicer-kitty wouldn't asphyxiate along with the little bastards fruit flies.

That was five hours ago. And yanno what?? I haven't had to squish a single fruit fly since.

Heeeeee. ^^V