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Important post: a paradigm shift
I've had a great deal on my mind lately, as I'm sure most of you have figured out by now. (And for the record, the occasional bought of insane laughter is good for the soul. Very cleansing.)
Tonight I made a new icon and changed the title and subtitle of my journal to "Artistic Narratives ~so many stories~" The previous set, "Smattering Nonsense ~a seemingly vicarious life~, no longer matches me. You see, thanks to many introspective thought sessions, a discussion with a very successful distant relation, and a bit of venting to my ever-patient and wonderful friend stariceling, I have come to realize something important.
Tonight I made a new icon and changed the title and subtitle of my journal to "Artistic Narratives ~so many stories~" The previous set, "Smattering Nonsense ~a seemingly vicarious life~, no longer matches me. You see, thanks to many introspective thought sessions, a discussion with a very successful distant relation, and a bit of venting to my ever-patient and wonderful friend stariceling, I have come to realize something important.
I don't want a cookie cutter life. I don't want to get married, buy a house with a lawn in the suburbs, come home to compromise for the tv with a football-obsessed husband. I don't want to have just a job, I don't want to live for my spare time and have to juggle my artistic "hobbies" with an engaging social life. But I had been constantly told by everything around me that this lack of desire for the normality meant something was inheritly wrong with me. Everything kept insisting I would be miserable and never could be happy until I was playing house and following the American Dream.
I've spent the past three years holed up in my room, working like mad. No hubby or boyfriend, no girlfriend, no kids (never ever EVER), no constant phone calls by friends wanting to chat, no going out bar hopping every weekend, no drinks with the girls, no growing number of hot sex stories, no flitting from circle of friends to circle of friends. By cookie-cutter American life standards, I'm a pathetic failure. And I let that bother me for a very long time. But now I realize that if I really did want a "normal" life, I would have found it by now. As much as I freak out about work and long for more than a spare moment of time for my own artistic pursuits, I really do love my job. Why??? Because I love telling stories. Not only am I good at helping others with my work, but I'm also pretty good at telling stories myself.
Writing has always been easy for me, as I've mentioned before. For the past year, I've had a great deal of fun dabbling in fanfiction. It's been a complete blast. But my spare time really is incredibly valuable. My drawing skills have been stagnating. Thanks to my all-consuming work, my figure drawing is rusty and out of practice. When I did have spare time this past year, I almost always devoted it to writing. But writing prose will not help me progress my artistic career, which is where my future lies.
I do want to tell stories, only I want--and need--to do it with my artwork instead. I accepted some time ago that I don't have the patience, precision, nor the money to pay someone else to animate my stories. Since I don't want to simply write them either, I found the logical middle ground: I'll draw them as manga. And since I've lettered 10,500 pages of professional manga to date, it's not like I'm clueless about how the genre works.
To sum up this long post....
My fanfic writing is coming to an almost end. I will finish my two current works in progress, Distracting and a Great Bother, and One-Sided, Two Ways. But aside from the occasional one-shot, I am determined to draw my plot bunnies as manga from now on. I'll be making my own doujinshi as practice, just like so many professional writers use fanfic as practice. This means that I will also be developing original stories, with the hope that I can be published one day. It would definitely be nice to finally have my name listed on Amazon!
What does this have to do with how the post began?? Well, to become a published mangaka, I'm going to have to work for it. A LOT. Get back into shape with my drawing, improve my drawing, and complete pages and pages of my own manga. I will have to work incredibly hard to make this happen, especially since I cannot afford money-wise to sacrifice any of my lettering titles. This means I still won't have spare time Go Out and Have A Life (TM). My pathetic failure of a life will continue, but with one huge difference.
I am choosing it. No more guilt. No more feeling like I'm missing out. This is my life, this is the way I want it. "Normal" is for others. Me, I'm very very happy to be different.
Comments are always welcome.
I've spent the past three years holed up in my room, working like mad. No hubby or boyfriend, no girlfriend, no kids (never ever EVER), no constant phone calls by friends wanting to chat, no going out bar hopping every weekend, no drinks with the girls, no growing number of hot sex stories, no flitting from circle of friends to circle of friends. By cookie-cutter American life standards, I'm a pathetic failure. And I let that bother me for a very long time. But now I realize that if I really did want a "normal" life, I would have found it by now. As much as I freak out about work and long for more than a spare moment of time for my own artistic pursuits, I really do love my job. Why??? Because I love telling stories. Not only am I good at helping others with my work, but I'm also pretty good at telling stories myself.
Writing has always been easy for me, as I've mentioned before. For the past year, I've had a great deal of fun dabbling in fanfiction. It's been a complete blast. But my spare time really is incredibly valuable. My drawing skills have been stagnating. Thanks to my all-consuming work, my figure drawing is rusty and out of practice. When I did have spare time this past year, I almost always devoted it to writing. But writing prose will not help me progress my artistic career, which is where my future lies.
I do want to tell stories, only I want--and need--to do it with my artwork instead. I accepted some time ago that I don't have the patience, precision, nor the money to pay someone else to animate my stories. Since I don't want to simply write them either, I found the logical middle ground: I'll draw them as manga. And since I've lettered 10,500 pages of professional manga to date, it's not like I'm clueless about how the genre works.
To sum up this long post....
My fanfic writing is coming to an almost end. I will finish my two current works in progress, Distracting and a Great Bother, and One-Sided, Two Ways. But aside from the occasional one-shot, I am determined to draw my plot bunnies as manga from now on. I'll be making my own doujinshi as practice, just like so many professional writers use fanfic as practice. This means that I will also be developing original stories, with the hope that I can be published one day. It would definitely be nice to finally have my name listed on Amazon!
What does this have to do with how the post began?? Well, to become a published mangaka, I'm going to have to work for it. A LOT. Get back into shape with my drawing, improve my drawing, and complete pages and pages of my own manga. I will have to work incredibly hard to make this happen, especially since I cannot afford money-wise to sacrifice any of my lettering titles. This means I still won't have spare time Go Out and Have A Life (TM). My pathetic failure of a life will continue, but with one huge difference.
I am choosing it. No more guilt. No more feeling like I'm missing out. This is my life, this is the way I want it. "Normal" is for others. Me, I'm very very happy to be different.
Comments are always welcome.